Saturday, October 14, 2023

Naked Vampire Double feature


As luck (?) would 
have it, we caught 2, count 'em 2, naked vampire movies in a row on a French movie channel. 


Requiem pour un Vampire (1971)

From wikipedia because I have little idea how they got so much plot from watching this film. I have added commentary. 

Two women (Underaged girls) dressed as clowns and a male driver are being chased through the countryside, for unknown reasons (this whole film is for unknown reasons). As the man drives, the women shoot at their pursuers. When the man is shot, the women are forced to burn the car with his body inside and once they remove their costumes, they run through a forest, and later a cemetery, in which one of the women, Michelle, is almost buried alive.

Walking through a field, they come to the outside of a gothic castle. There they are bitten by vampire bats, which lead them to go into the castle, where they make love in a cozy bed (fulfills the lesbian vampire trope but somehow this does not count as them losing their viginity). They tour the castle and discover a few skeletons along with a woman playing an organ. She begins to follow them, so they shoot at her, but she doesn't die. They run away and are caught by some men who force themselves on them. A vampire woman stops the men, and the vampire woman who chased them almost bites them until they break away. They soon come across a male vampire, the last of his kind. He has plans for the women. They are bitten in order to continue his bloodline, but they must stay virgins. Michelle likes the idea of everlasting life but her girlfriend has serious doubts, and by sleeping with Frédéric, a random passerby (cute and a total asshole who call her a slut when they escape from the vampire), she not only jeopardizes the vampire's plans but also puts the mutual love and friendship between her and Michelle to the ultimate test. The vampire realizes that he must not continue the bloodline, and lets Michelle and her girlfriend escape.

The filming goes randomly from day to night and so many shots are just plain weird and you have no idea what you are looking at. Characters appear from nowhere, and there are two woman in league with the vampire but they look so much alike we thought there was only one until they are in a scene together at the end. There is an EXTENDED scene of one of the girls letting some random chase her throughout the castle for hours? days? and he never manages to actually fuck her. NONE of this makes any sense whatsoever! 

La Vampire Nue (1970)


In a strange laboratory, three men in weird masks take the blood of a naked young woman in a hood. Another woman in an orange nightgown is wandering the streets and is followed by a group of people also wearing weird masks. The woman comes across a man named Pierre who tries to help her, but the masked men corner them and shoot the woman; Pierre escapes unharmed. (pretty easy since the masked people walk so slow he could have crawled away from them). The masked men take the woman into a building, and Pierre follows. Guests then arrive for some sort of party, but Pierre can't get into the building. Another scene reveals his father is behind it.

He gatecrashes the next party, and a woman commits suicide in front of the other guests when a man shows her picture up on a projector (with an obviously fake gun that doesn't seem to make a mark nevermind blow what should have been a chunk out of the other side of her head). The woman in the orange nightgown appears and drinks the woman's blood. Pierre's face then appears on the projector. (How? When did they take the photo?) The other guests turn on Pierre. He escapes and is stopped by a man in a white cape (The guy is just walking are the street in a cape and some sort of weird robe and no one notices?) who tells him to go to his father's office, where more mysteries await him. (like WTF is happening in this movie.)

Pierre goes to his father's office and confronts him, who explains (suddenly become an exposition factory to try and make some sense of this) that the girl he saw is his protégée and an orphan. Pierre's father was a friend of her family. The girl has an unknown blood condition, and her wounds heal right away; she is also believed to be a goddess by certain fanatics. What the father is saying is that she is a vampire. (IS that what he was saying?) People are working to find someone with the same condition so that they can find a cure. The hoods and masks hide human faces from her so that she does not know she is different. (What? She looks like everyone else, she is different because she is the ONLY person not wearing a mask!) They are hiding her from a group of vampires.

The vampire in the white cape takes the woman and tells Pierre to protect her. A fight then occurs between the vampires and the humans, (We had no idea there were other vampires in this movie even at this point) leading to a beach where the woman sees the sunlight for the first time. They explain that they are not vampires but mutants and that the human race will one day evolve and all have the power of immortality. (Sure, OK)

This movie was so slow and plodding it was impossible to stay awake. The director was trying for artsy artsy but it just looked like the edited in everything they shot regardless of whether is helped tell the "story" or not. The protagonist, is an asswipe rich kid with REALLY high cheekbones so isn't sympathetic at all. The wiki page leaves out the scene with the protagonist's friend is "Painting" a naked woman with large gold fake fingernails who inexplicably painted her toenails blue so no match-y match for here! She touched herself in the most tedious non erotic way imaginable until he gets call and just leaves her in his place trying to find her own breasts. 

Do NOT watch this movies! OMG I wish we had an excuse for sitting through them other than we were captured by un unbelievably terrible they are! 

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