Saturday, October 30, 2010


Does everybody use for film info? IMDB seems like a first class suckfest anymore.
Help please with something complete and reliable.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Coming Soon to your living room!

Hooray for those of us not living in a major metropolis! The restored "METROPOLIS" is coming to us! Turner Classic Movies will air Fritz Lang's masterpiece, commercial-free (of course) on Sunday, Nov. 7 at 8PM Eastern.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Coming Soon to the Slammer movie night

A mildly retarded group of young people are trained to work as covert militia.

Watch Jimmy learn how to diffuse a bomb -AND- the embarrasment of a sticky wet dream.

Watch Suzy learn how to dispose of an evil warlord -AND- a sanitary napkin.


The Guys from JackASS 3-D


Juliette Lewis as Ladytard

Special Appearance by UK singing star Susan Boyle as Madame President

Rated R for ...well, ya, you guessed it.

The Snake.

A comedy about a guy who joins a body image help group under false pretenses to pursue a bulimic girl after his buddies tell him a normal sized girl he was hitting on was too fat. Dark, funny douchery; the character exploits the bulimia, but the film does not. All the nobodies in it perform their asses off.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

"Tony, I see something terrible is gonna happen."

Girrrrl. you aint seen the half of it !

Yes, Kim Richards - that adorable tyke from Witch Mountain films and TV's Nanny & The Professor and sultry teen of Hello, Larry & Tuff Turf is having her big comeback on the most vile of the Real Housewives shows on Bravo. These ostentatious, neurotic, selfish, petty, desperate broads make the Orange County cows look like Carmelite nuns. Oh! it's so delicious.

And in the category of the "walking wounded" (I love how they call everybody a "housewife" even if they are divorced or single) is our Kimmy Richards. At age 46, she would rather stay at home with her brood of teens who don't really need her anymore and look at the old scrapbooks than go shopping with the other bitches or her bossy younger sister Kyle (who tells all of America that she promised their dying mom that she would "look after" her sister Kim.) Kyle didnt have half the career that Kim had - though she was in 1978's Halloween as little Lyndsey who ran for the hills at the end. Kim is stand-offish and pouty in social settings and claims she's shy...Kyle tells the audience that her sister is just judgmental.

The Richards sisters (aunts of Paris & Nicky Hilton) offer good drama to the show with their arguments and old emotional wounds exposed for the world to see.
KYLE: "...and after all I did for you!"
KIM: "After all YOU did for ME?!!!"

A reviewer at Defamer/Gawker summed KIM up this way:

Kim Richards
Oh dear. This woman is a little loco nuts, isn't she? There was this amazing, tour-de-force opening scene with her where she first said: "My mom gave me some really great advice. Don't make your kids your whole life." Who says that to a person, let alone THEIR OWN CHILD? "Don't make my mistake, daughter. I shouldn't have spent so much time loving you." Not that parents SHOULD make their children their entire lives, no of course not, but why say it? If you have to say it, you have a problem.

Then, just after that awful bit, amazingly in the same scene, Kim did this incredible reenactment of going out with her niece Paris Hilton that was just the saddest, most glorious thing I've seen since the last sad-but-glorious thing on one of these shows. "It's funny, I went out with Paris and the photographers were like 'Kim! Kim!' And Paris was like 'Huh?' And I was like 'I was here first!' and Paris was like 'Wha?' And the photographers were like 'Kim is an icon!' and Paris was like 'I'm an icon!' and I was I like 'But I was an icon first!' and the photographers were like 'Kim! Kim!'."

OK, I'm not really doing it justice. But it was so devastating. And did you notice how she clearly realized midway through her bizarre, spastic reenactment that it was a stupid, empty, braggy story and yet she couldn't stop? There was this cold bit of lightning in her eyes as she realized that she wasn't telling a very good story and you knew she wanted to just stop talking, but she couldn't. And then she laughed awkwardly as if it was no big deal that she, a grown woman with children, had just spent three minutes explaining how the paparazzi think that she is as relevant as Paris Hilton, her sister's daughter. Good work, lady. Some other good work is that Kim is looking for a new mansion to lease, rather than, I guess, buying a smaller more reasonable home. She's pretty post-divorce broke, yet wants to live in a mansion and have another kid, at 46. Good thinking!

Bosley Schmosley

Boy died.
He was Bomba too
Cheetah still rockin'.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

RIP Tom Bosley

Many of us recall the unmistakeable voice of Tom Bosley in our livingrooms from as long as we can remember. Maybe you first saw/heard him in his great performance in the Sunday matinee movie of Peter Sellers' The World of Henry Orient; as Hanna-Barbera's cartoon Harry in Wait Til Your Father Gets Home; or as the every-Dad of Happy Days during its Tuesday night reign in primetime. TV was very good to Mr. Bosley and he was very good for it. Rest in Peace, sir.

Tom talked about his legacy here:

Monday, October 11, 2010

John Carradine

I live in his old apartment and I'm pretty sure he's been popping around to visit.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Crawlspace (1986)

Klaus Kinski was obviously close to the end of his life when this absurd late-eighties horror hack job was put together. Directed by David Schmoeller--of Puppetmaster fame--it's the story of Dr. Karl Gunther, a former Nazi Officer hiding in urban America that still can't resist the urge to stalk and torture.

Gunther owns an apartment building that's wired and booby trapped to the hilt. He spies on his young female tenants by cavorting the air ducts, gazing at them through the vents, sometimes releasing rats into their rooms by remote control. He has headquartered himself in the attic with his Nazi propaganda films, torture device collection and a small, pasty Boo Radley-type boy trapped in a cage (?). As each tenant catches on to his wiles Gunther offs them with one of his toys.

The best scenes occur after each killing when Gunther ritualistically plays Russian roulette in his kitchen as a sort of haphazard penance. If the pistol doesn't blow his brains out he smirks in that diabolical Kinski way. Fate will let him continue; that is until one tenant played by Talia Balsam (of Mad Men fame) engages him in a fast-paced air duct chase that will blow your mind.

Tough to find a trailer for this one but there is a very fun short film made by Schmoeller regarding his experience working with the ever "difficult" Kinski. It's named after the motto incessantly repeated by the shooting crew throughout production:

"Please Kill Mr. Kinski"

Seven Golden Women

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Lord Have Mercy!

Dedicated to all those lapsed Catholics here in the Slammer! Y'all know who you are! Who said nuns can't be groovy?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Monty's Right Profile

I had a recent conversation with a successful professional, who had never heard of Montgomery Clift - I was nonplusssed, owing to her apparent high degree of intellect but I also realized that exposure was exposure, so I strongly recommended A Place In The Sun and From Here To Eternity

The most interesting thing about his relationship with Elizabeth Taylor, (they were best friends) was that she saved his life:

I also told her about one of my favorite Clash songs, The Right Profile chronicling his tragic post-crash addiction and depression.

Say, where did I see this guy?
In Red River?
Or a place in the sun?
Maybe the Misfits?
Or From Here to Eternity?

Everybody say, "Is he all right?"
And everybody say, "What's he like?"
Everybody say, "He sure look funny."
That's...Montgomery Clift, honey!

New York, New York, New York, 42nd Street
Hustlers rustle and pimps pimp the beat
Monty Clift is recognized at dawn
He ain't got no shoes and his clothes are torn

I see a car smashed at night
Cut the applause and dim the light
Monty's face is broken on a wheel
Is he alive? Can he still feel?

Nembutol numbs it all
But I prefer alcohol

He said go out and get me my old movie stills
Go out and get me another roll of pills
There I go again shaking, but I ain't got the chills