The Maltese Bippy

We all know what happens when the hot TV stars dujour rush to make a film during hiatus set in a haunted house...well, it aint so good. (Unless it's THE GHOST & MR. CHICKEN starring Don Knotts).

The Maltese Bippy (1969) starred Laugh-In's hosts Dan Rowan and Dick Martin.
Here is the trailer.

The NY TIMES review said:

Television, the great leveler, has produced the ultimate comedy team, a pair of personalities of similar sex, height, weight and wit, which, I suppose, is the direction in which we've been heading ever since Martin and Lewis convinced us that comedy teams need not be physically grotesque—maybe one man should be slightly Italian and one man slightly Jewish, but not grotesque.

On the other hand, "The Maltese Bippy," is a movie that cheapens everything it touches, including a few visual nonsequiturs from "Laugh-In," actors (Fritz Weaver, Dana Elcar, Mildred Natwick, and even Carol Lynley and Julie Newmar) and the comedy-mystery genre that once had a kind of slapdash charm in "The Cat and the Canary."

For the record, the movie was directed by Norman Panama ("Road to Utopia") and concerns two aging roués who make poor exploitation films and live in a haunted house in Flushing. Some attempts at humor are made by using words like "do-do," "dum-dum" and "bippy" (in the title only). The words sound like euphemisms that mothers use when training small children.

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Sadly, the film had no scenes like this:

SINGING; SINGING & FLYING; SINGING & GROOVING

REEDING is FUNDAMENTAL

"And THAT is the specific theory of relativity...isn't it?"

Theresa Russell as MM proving to Einstein that she knows a thing or two... in the best scene from "INSIGNIFICANCE".

"Dog Eat Dog"

I cannot recommend this highly enough.

"I Tell a Clown What Round He's Goin' Down"

Cassius meets Jerry. Yes.

Sam Cooke's on - if you see the first Clay-Liston fight, he steps into the ring at the end, and Clay calls him "the greatest singer in the world." I like the shout out to Dee Dee "Mashed Potatoes" Sharp.

The rest here.

Dance Hall Racket (1953)

Written by and co-starring Lenny Bruce, this is one for the off-center archives. Lenny's wife, Honey, appears as one of the floozies. It's about a dance hall run by our hero, Umberto Scalli, the sleazy sub-mob gangster character previously established in the female wrestler pic, Racket Girls (both films were produced by George Weiss of Glen or Glenda fame). Lenny plays the sociopathic henchman, Vincent.

It all starts with a federal agent telling the story in flashback. The club follows the standard tradition. The gents buy a ticket and get a dance with a lady. If they're a real big spender they buy the "Trip to Hawaii" which consists of a little private time behind a potted plant provided by the bartender. Scalli pulls his money in tickets, and in shady fence deals. Vincent is his main fist, a not-so-convincing knife-wielding maniac (Lenny was much more effective as a comedian). There's lots of footage from the dancers' changing room. Sometimes it's an audition for a new dancer, sometimes just a friendly exchange between the gals, mostly while they help each other "dress." Once the racket is exposed it's curtains for Scalli and his accomplice, Vincent.

There is a somewhat touching, albeit sleazy, scene where the bartender asks one patron why he buys so many tickets but never trades them in for a dance. The man explains that he wants to horde a thousand of them, then take the club for himself for a night. All the ladies' eyes on him. Lots of trips to Hawaii.

Horrible print and sound, and one of the worst transfers I've ever seen, but I love Lenny Bruce and this is a little piece of history.

Find more videos like this on video.filestube.com.

Abandoned!

Twenty years ago this weekend I met Donna Lethal. She came to visit her friend Mavis Martini, one of the first people I met when I moved to Wilmington, NC. Back then Donna was a blonde and went by the name of Jayne International and I was a young filmmaker who loved B Movies and beer. With our combined love of trashy cinema (John Waters, David Lynch, Ed Wood, Doris Wishman etc...) I decided to make a movie with Mavis, Jayne and other assorted oddballs we knew. That movie was ABANDONED! and now twenty years later I've decided to recut and update it. Donna and Mavis are too much of a class act to post it here, but I'm not. So, grab a comfy chair and some snacks and enjoy the Director's Cut of ABANDONED!.

Funeral Fun

From the delightfully dreadful Confessions From a Holiday Camp

John Forsythe

R.I.P.