It is rare that I get excited about a movie based on the trailer, but I can't wait for ZOMBIE STRIPPERS to be released. From the trailer, I can gather that it has two plot devices that I really enjoy in cinema:
1) Zombies
2) Strippers
I know that this movie will probably suck, but what a concept! You just know Ed Wood is smiling down from Heaven.
Showing posts with label schlock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label schlock. Show all posts
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Comin' at ya! In 3-D -- in the 80s !!
Many of my Saturday afternoons (as a young teen) in the early 80s were spent going bug-eyed at the local cinema watching 3-D films. I recall mostly that my expectations were always greater than any of the films' production values. It was my introduction to real Hollywood schlock comin' at me.
Comin’ at Ya! (1981)
This cheapo Western from Spain was released in the USA and started the 3-D craze in early 80s films. The plot involves a good guy tracking down his girlfriend held hostage by bad guys. The film was reviewed as “generally boring with bad 3-D effects”.
Money shots: Bats, rats, guns, flaming arrows...and in one hysterically tasteless shot a baby's butt is lowered onto the camera!
House of Wax (1953) ???!!!
Strangely, the Warner Brothers horror film starring Vincent Price was re-released to keep up with the demand of the 3-D matinee audience.
Parasite (1982)
Demi Moore stars in this futuristic horror movie as Patricia Welles, a young woman struggling to get by in a post-apocalyptic world where a flesh eating parasite is terrorizing the city. Also-starring Cherrie Currie of “The Runaways” rock band.
Money shots: A steel pipe pierces a body and blood flows out; a thug sticks his fingers into the parasite tube; a gun barrel points toward the audience; a parasite falls from the ceiling, and even parasites bursting from flesh come at ya.
Friday the 13th part III (1982)
Psycho-tard Jason Voorhees moves on to a Crystal Lake property called “Higgins Haven” where he slaughters teens and bikers and chases a woman whom he attacked (raped?) two years earlier.
Money shots: Opening Title Credit, a yo-yo, machete, pitchfork, and an eyeball comes at you.
Funfacts: Budgeted for $ 4 million, the film earned $34.5 million in the States.
Amityville 3-D (1983)
This was the first Amityville film to not be based on or inspired by the so-called "true story" of the original book and movie. The film stars Tony Roberts, Tess Harper, Meg Ryan, Lori Loughlin and Candy Clark (the former Mrs. Marjoe Gortner!).
Money shots: Flames, pets, and a demon from a cellar pit come at you.
Jaws 3-D (1983)
The film involves the oldest son from the first two Jaws films, Michael Brody (played by Dennis Quaid) working for SeaWorld in Florida, which is preparing for the launch of its new "Undersea Kingdom," a set of tunnels where people can "view the wonders of the deep without ever getting wet." You can imagine the outcome.
Money shots: shark’s teeth, shattered acrylic glass, and shark blown up bits come at you.
SpaceHunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)
A sci-fi film about bounty hunter on a mission to rescue three women stranded on a brutal planet. He meets a vagrant teenage girl (Molly Ringwald) along the way.
Funfacts: Budgeted at $ 14.4 million, the film grossed $ 16.4 million.
Executive Producer: Ivan Reitman. Elmer Bernstein composed the score.
MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)
This sci-fi western involves a space ranger in search of an intergalactic criminal with supernatural powers named Jared-Syn, (played by Michael Preston). Also-starring Kelly Preston (Mrs Travolta) and Richard “Night Court” Moll.
Fun facts: Critics pointed out that the title, "...the Destruction of Jared-Syn", makes little sense since the villain is never destroyed and actually gets away in the end.
Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983)
Spaghetti western vet actor/producer Tony Anthony stars as a JT Striker - a fortune hunter seeking valuable gems hidden inside two of the remaining four Mystical Crowns which are guarded by a cult lead by the evil Brother Jonas.
Funfacts: Music by Ennio Morricone. Treasure of the Four Crowns was rushed into production by Cannon Films after the runaway success of Comin' at Ya! by the same producers. It was released just as the 80s 3-D era was coming to an end.
Comin’ at Ya! (1981)
This cheapo Western from Spain was released in the USA and started the 3-D craze in early 80s films. The plot involves a good guy tracking down his girlfriend held hostage by bad guys. The film was reviewed as “generally boring with bad 3-D effects”.
Money shots: Bats, rats, guns, flaming arrows...and in one hysterically tasteless shot a baby's butt is lowered onto the camera!
House of Wax (1953) ???!!!
Strangely, the Warner Brothers horror film starring Vincent Price was re-released to keep up with the demand of the 3-D matinee audience.
Parasite (1982)
Demi Moore stars in this futuristic horror movie as Patricia Welles, a young woman struggling to get by in a post-apocalyptic world where a flesh eating parasite is terrorizing the city. Also-starring Cherrie Currie of “The Runaways” rock band.
Money shots: A steel pipe pierces a body and blood flows out; a thug sticks his fingers into the parasite tube; a gun barrel points toward the audience; a parasite falls from the ceiling, and even parasites bursting from flesh come at ya.
Friday the 13th part III (1982)
Psycho-tard Jason Voorhees moves on to a Crystal Lake property called “Higgins Haven” where he slaughters teens and bikers and chases a woman whom he attacked (raped?) two years earlier.
Money shots: Opening Title Credit, a yo-yo, machete, pitchfork, and an eyeball comes at you.
Funfacts: Budgeted for $ 4 million, the film earned $34.5 million in the States.
Amityville 3-D (1983)
This was the first Amityville film to not be based on or inspired by the so-called "true story" of the original book and movie. The film stars Tony Roberts, Tess Harper, Meg Ryan, Lori Loughlin and Candy Clark (the former Mrs. Marjoe Gortner!).
Money shots: Flames, pets, and a demon from a cellar pit come at you.
Jaws 3-D (1983)
The film involves the oldest son from the first two Jaws films, Michael Brody (played by Dennis Quaid) working for SeaWorld in Florida, which is preparing for the launch of its new "Undersea Kingdom," a set of tunnels where people can "view the wonders of the deep without ever getting wet." You can imagine the outcome.
Money shots: shark’s teeth, shattered acrylic glass, and shark blown up bits come at you.
SpaceHunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)
A sci-fi film about bounty hunter on a mission to rescue three women stranded on a brutal planet. He meets a vagrant teenage girl (Molly Ringwald) along the way.
Funfacts: Budgeted at $ 14.4 million, the film grossed $ 16.4 million.
Executive Producer: Ivan Reitman. Elmer Bernstein composed the score.
MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)
This sci-fi western involves a space ranger in search of an intergalactic criminal with supernatural powers named Jared-Syn, (played by Michael Preston). Also-starring Kelly Preston (Mrs Travolta) and Richard “Night Court” Moll.
Fun facts: Critics pointed out that the title, "...the Destruction of Jared-Syn", makes little sense since the villain is never destroyed and actually gets away in the end.
Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983)
Spaghetti western vet actor/producer Tony Anthony stars as a JT Striker - a fortune hunter seeking valuable gems hidden inside two of the remaining four Mystical Crowns which are guarded by a cult lead by the evil Brother Jonas.
Funfacts: Music by Ennio Morricone. Treasure of the Four Crowns was rushed into production by Cannon Films after the runaway success of Comin' at Ya! by the same producers. It was released just as the 80s 3-D era was coming to an end.
Monday, January 28, 2008
The Boy In The Plastic Bubble (1976)
Sure, everyone remembers when John Travolta had his "breakthrough" in 1977 as the disco dancing swine Tony Manero in the classic flick "Saturday Night Fever."
But how many people realize 1976 was arguably, an ever bigger year for the "only Sweat Hog with a future" who had a very prominent role in the horror smash "Carrie," an abominable soft-rock hit single called "Let Her In." And, perhaps most distressing of all, was his decidely odd turn as Todd Lubitch--the lad who was born with an immune system deficiency--in the aggressively sucky television drama "The Boy in The Plastic Bubble."
In our feature presentation, Bubble Freak is kept in a germ free enclosure in his room in his parents' house and has no actual contact with other humans. Still, he's secretly popping a boner over the girl next door (as was I), Gina (the preternaturally adorable Glynnis O'Connor). Gina is a pot smoking, booze-sucking high school senior who--quite reasonably--thinks Todd is a complete turd.
But the casting of Todd's parents is the REAL story here! Former Brady Bunch dad Robert Reed is on hand to play Todd's permed father, and his mom was portrayed by Diana Hyland--who Travolta was supposedly dating, and who was fated to tragically drop dead from cancer the following year--saving her from an embarassing few years on "Eight is Enough" tolerating Willie Ames.
Amyway, this hellish load of horse manure of course lurches to a phoney "happy ending," as Travolta throws caution to the wind and bounds out into his yard looking to get his bad self down with the (by-now lovestruck) Gina. Everyone is grinning foolishly and all is well with the world.
But how many people realize 1976 was arguably, an ever bigger year for the "only Sweat Hog with a future" who had a very prominent role in the horror smash "Carrie," an abominable soft-rock hit single called "Let Her In." And, perhaps most distressing of all, was his decidely odd turn as Todd Lubitch--the lad who was born with an immune system deficiency--in the aggressively sucky television drama "The Boy in The Plastic Bubble."
In our feature presentation, Bubble Freak is kept in a germ free enclosure in his room in his parents' house and has no actual contact with other humans. Still, he's secretly popping a boner over the girl next door (as was I), Gina (the preternaturally adorable Glynnis O'Connor). Gina is a pot smoking, booze-sucking high school senior who--quite reasonably--thinks Todd is a complete turd.
But the casting of Todd's parents is the REAL story here! Former Brady Bunch dad Robert Reed is on hand to play Todd's permed father, and his mom was portrayed by Diana Hyland--who Travolta was supposedly dating, and who was fated to tragically drop dead from cancer the following year--saving her from an embarassing few years on "Eight is Enough" tolerating Willie Ames.
Amyway, this hellish load of horse manure of course lurches to a phoney "happy ending," as Travolta throws caution to the wind and bounds out into his yard looking to get his bad self down with the (by-now lovestruck) Gina. Everyone is grinning foolishly and all is well with the world.
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