Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Wild World of the Batwoman

If you have ever wondered what your Aunt Helen would be like dressed a goth showgirl with a poorly drawn bat across her chest and lived with a bevy of vacant strippers in bikinis, then this movie is for you!

The “plot” of this movie is incomprehensible. Some wayward strippers.... I mean crime fighters, witness a crime, do nothing about it and then initiate another girl as a “vampire” (something never mentioned again) as one of the Batwoman’s force against evil. One of the girl’s is kidnapped by a wacky professor who gives her “happy pills” that make people go-go dance uncontrollably. He himself is under orders from “Rat Fink” a super villain looking for a advanced hearing aid, that lets you hear private conversations. On route to the film’s final, which never seems to come soon enough, the cast eats drugged soup served by Marx Brothers imitators, go-go dances, see monsters (cut in from another movie - The Mole People), go to the beach, and a number of other events too confusing to mention.

A highlight of sorts is the seance scene... it’s so racist you laugh out loud , then can’t crawl deep enough into your skin to escape the embarrassment that you laughed. The Batwoman tries to locate the stolen device with some government official and his assistant, who looks like Gomer Pile in her secret hideout, which is a ranch style house in a crowded suburban street (I guess a masked and feather wigged hooker with a huge bat magic markered on her chest is common place here. I wonder what the other neighbors are like?). During her communication with the spirits, they are interrupted by a “Chinese” voice that... mon dieux, I can’t even bring myself to remember how horrible it is! In any case, the best way to see this film, other than with toothpicks holding your eyes open while being pumped full of morphine to kill the pain is the “Mystery Science 3000” version. By the end, even the robots are yelling “kill me” and “END!!!! PLEASE END!!!” and you really feel for them.

Of course for those of us in the slammer... its a must see.
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