Monday, March 31, 2008

HAG (sung to the tune of Madonna's Vogue)


my loving salute to character actresses and the screen ladies over a certain age.

HAG

What Are You Looking At?

Let it sag.
Let it sag.
Hag, Hag, hag
Hag, Hag, hag

Look around everywhere you turn you’ll find them
In shawls, or covered in lace (just look around)
You try everything you can to ignore
The pain of life on their face [it’s on their face]

When all else fails and you long to be
Something younger than you are today
I know a place where you can get away
It's called a movie show, and here's where they go, so

Chorus:

Come on, hag
Be a hard-working character actress [character actress]
Hag, Hag, Hag
Come on, Hag
Let your careers go with the flow [go with the flow]
You know you can do it

All you need is a great talent-agent
So use him that's what he’s for [that's what he’s for]
Look inside your bag, make sure y’have your medication
Make youngin’s open the door [open up the door]

It makes no difference if it's gray or white
In a bun or up with a curl
When the producer calls for a matronly wife
You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it

Come on, hag
Be a hard-working character actress [character actress]
(Hag, Hag, Hag)
Let it sag
Let your careers go with the flow [go with the flow]
You know you can do it

Take it where you can get it
so don’t cry or over-fret it
The gypsy hag of a musical
That's where you’ll feel so beautiful
Magical, Lucille Ball
So get onto that soundstage

Come on, hag
Be a hard-working character actress [character actress]
Hag, Hag, Hag
Let it sag
Let your careers go with the flow [go with the flow]
You know you can do it


Hag, [Hag]
Take it where you find it [move to the music]
Hag, [Hag]
Hags will have to bind it [go with the flow]

Beulah Bondi, Alice Pearce
Mary Wickes, they were fierce
Barbara Pepper, LaWanda Page
Broads who all embraced their age

Marie Dressler; Billie Burke
After 50, made it work.
Shirley Booth, a classic frump
Gladys Cooper, with a dowager’s hump

They had wisdom, they had sass
Marjorie Main, kicked some ass
Ellen Corby, embraced her grays
Bette Davis in her Disney Days

Ladies with their flab unfurled,
Jayne Mansfield’s Wild Wild World
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Be a hag, there's nothing to it

Hag, Hag, Hag, Hag

Oooh, you've got to
Be the old bag on that marquee
Oooh, you've got to just
take a cue from dear ol’ Aunt Bea
Oooh, you've got to just,
Hag !
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